confused all just a blur

I just came home from work, and on the way home I tried to think how I can put this day in words, or will I know how to? Now I sit on the couch with my son watching angry birds, yes I know there is a series out, its kinda funny lol, oky back to what I was trying to say, I sit now and this day is just a blur to me know, all I know is it was long, and people was rude and the lies and the back stabbing and all I feel is drained and tired, and I also feel like what is the use being a good person, when everyday people just take and emotionally they suck u dry, expectations like not answering my phone fast enough, or half of the shopping centre is in love with me and wants to marry me and love me after I was maybe to friendly, then the nice person that I am, I try to explain why I don’t want to be their girlfriend or marry them, again the anger, oh yes I work in a flower shop/ gift shop and around me more shops with people working in them, and most of them love me and I don’t understand how they think, how does this persons brain works? Love? Why do u love me? Because I am friendly and take the time to talk to you? Please don’t take this as me thinking I am better than any one else, because I am far from it, all I say is maybe I don’t understand this way of thinking or feeling, because I just want to run away, but then they will not understand me, and there is no use in even trying to explain and I just can’t be bitchy, but maybe I must learn. When I have money I give not even thinking of myself, I love to give and just the feeling is enough, but I am tired, I am so drained, I so badly want to be alone with only my mind, and I don’t want to be alone, but I need a decent conversation without pickup lines and sweet nothings, I need to laugh it always makes me feel good. I don’t have much friends, but I know a lot of people, people like me a lot and then there is my life story of lies people tell others, ugly untrue things about me, because they are jealous or just bored or whatever I don’t even try to understand how I can be so hated and yet be the person you trust with your secrets and troubles, I am the one that mend your broken wings and when u can fly again, you fly away. I feel used sometimes, but I am happy that I could help in some way, today was just a horrible long day that just went on and on. I really don’t want to be myself anymore, being me hurts, being good and kind is draining and makes me more unhappy and empty. I really would love to have something real. But for tonight I will just sleep and see what tomorrow brings.


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