I thought i had it all secured

For a long time i haven’t seen my makeup smudge.
But today was a day of emotional battle, don’t understand why this one hurt so much, because i am a pro when it comes to switching emotions off. I don’t like not being in control and i don’t like feeling most of the time. I am angry at myself and i am angry at the situation, i should have seen it, i should have known, worst of all i think i did know, but for some reason, for some stupid reason i thought this could be different and i let it all go.
Today i felt a pain a hurt in my heart, like i thought i had it all secure. I felt hurt and i felt fragile. I even cried.

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