Hard as stone, soft as a feather

downloadIf you are a people’s pleasure, only to have friends. if you are someone, everyone could use as they like, because they can, and you let them, also you want to feel part of something. Even when you are treated with no respect, you will take anything not feel alone. it’s not their fault when you are that person. I see that now, it was my own fault, I didn’t have any self-respect, I didn’t think or felt I deserve better, I was young and I didn’t know enough. I think also it has a lot to do with your situation at home, and you as a young child didn’t have that support, that older person is supposed to teach you the ways, to make you feel you are special. My lessons well this was only the beginning of a horror story, but I will maybe in weeks to come, maybe tell you my story, but what I want to say is, that after a hard life, lonely life, I have become this strong, independent, strong willed person that I wish i was when I was in school, then my days at school would have been much more fun.. but the thing that scares me, and I hope i am not the only one… but I have this switch, that I can turn off anytime… when you are in a relationship , it hurt very much when it ends, and it takes a while to get over it all, I had plenty of that, it hurts a lot because I give 100% in a relationship, I give my all to the person I love.. now I can only switch it off and I don’t feel a thing, its better in a way because they don’t deserve your time of tears and pain..A week ago my best friend for many years just deleted me and blocked me, and gave me a stupid reason for it, I am supposed to feel sad? I am supposed to miss her because we are or was very very close… but I don’t feel anything, that is the only negative about this entire exercise that life had to make me go through

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2 thoughts on “Hard as stone, soft as a feather

  1. That switch is like the trip switch on a circuit breaker. It trips when the system is about to sustain damage, and blocks everything off until it is safe again.

    The thing is, when it is off, it blocks everything, the positive things too.

    One is supposed to feel sad because of the loss. Feel it, and then move on. And, if it was a stupid reason they gave, feel solace in the fact that they weren’t really worth that much effort if they can just walk away…

    Regards
    Havoc

    Like

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