Past experiences

As a poet, i value the words,
I feel with what my eyes read,
I always feel emotions so deeply
That I sometimes feel like I am drowning.
I never want to completely open up and say what I really feel inside,
I don’t want to go in detail what is really on my mind.
But this time I will keep writing,
I will not delete it again.

There is one feeling I feel mostly and it’s  disappointment.
It started with grownups that weren’t there to protect me, I never felt safe or secure,
I was scared most of the time and always alone.
I had no self-confidence and had a really hard time at school.
No matter what but I make sure my son feels safe and secure when there is a problem I make sure we deal with it before it makes permanent scars.
The person I am makes it hard for me to understand how people think,
There is the other disappointment,
I am disappointed  in friends that were fake, the stabbing and false stories I had to go through, isolated me, people assuming leaving me again alone
Disappointed in people using and abusing kindness, when kindness is not so often given and when it is no one understand how that feels to me.

Then I feel angry, I feel angry because why can’t you see what an amazing person I am, what a loyal, fun friend I can be, good friends are so hard to find, here I am being tossed away.
Why can’t you see that I am the perfect girl for you, the one that only sees you, fun, playful and loyal?
You will not see me because all you see is this pretty face and for woman I am a threat, really like I want your man, you must really think I am stupid, if you think i want someone that will go for me when they are in a relationship, what a joke, i don’t want you cheating man.
And men find me intimidating, i am intelligent it’s fun knowing things.

Most of all i don’t fit in, i feel alone, and i am tired of being strong all the time.
I want someone to just be interested in what makes me happy, someone that cares so deeply that they just want to take care of me.
I want to feel cared for, for a change i want to be the fragile one.

But  still i am blessed, i am who i want to be now,
I am thankful
I have grown
I am happy in my own skin
I have words
And i am free to write.643c231039ebdafc85a31a9fc3d7a766

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